Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Hope, Grief, and St. Francis

For some reason, over the last few days, I've been able to perfectly imagine Myrtle here with me. I can almost smell her and feel her tiny little paws, her velvety ears, her smelly breath. I have to push these visions out of my mind in order to get through the day.

The first two weeks were filled with searching, fliering, getting the word out there, checking the shelters, vet offices, following strange leads – I didn't have time to sit and reflect on her. And now, I feel like I've almost done most of what I can do. There will always be a bare lamp post that needs a flier, but I'm exhausted.  So now, the greif is settling in. Last night a friend told me I needed to start moving on. But I only now feel like maybe I've lost her. I still have moments of hope that she'll be found, but I feel like I need to start the grieving process, just in case.  What do you do? Hang on to hope, or try to move on? How can you do both?

 chilling at the beach a few months ago

There are no new leads. I think someone has her, and may want to keep her or might just be afraid to be the one that has her. This media attention is great, but maybe it's keeping someone from turning her in, not wanting to be the "bad guy". Is that a silly thought? If anyone is keeping her safe, that's all I care about. Hopefully they see how much I love this sweet little soul and will do the right thing and give her back to me. Note: If you do have her, Animal Haven has agreed to be a safe place where you can drop her off, no questions asked.

There is a black chihuahua at the ACC named Maria – I knew she wasn't Myrtle but I went to look anyway. Such a heartbreaking experience. Poor Maria was old, grumpy, with an exposed tumor – I wished she was my dog so I could save her. Her life is definitely in jeopardy. Healthy dogs sometimes have a hard time getting out of the ACC alive. Please if you're reading this, never buy a dog again. Rescue one of these babies! (In addition, there is an american bulldog there right now, named Tony. He looks like a great new best friend for someone!) 

Thanks to everyone who continues to hope for me – many of you are still out there hanging fliers, talking to friends, sharing through social media channels. Myrtle's heros! All of you!

One last thought: My great grandmother's name was Francis, she looks creepily just like me. I've always felt a strong connection to the name and the idea of St. Francis, the patron saint of animals. I don't consider myself religious, but this whole experience has me hoping for a St. Francis. So St. Francis, please, bless all the animals, especially the tiny little chihuahuas and the pitbulls. Thank you.