For some reason, over the last few days, I've been able to perfectly imagine Myrtle here with me. I can almost smell her and feel her tiny little paws, her velvety ears, her smelly breath. I have to push these visions out of my mind in order to get through the day.
The first two weeks were filled with searching, fliering, getting the word out there, checking the shelters, vet offices, following strange leads – I didn't have time to sit and reflect on her. And now, I feel like I've almost done most of what I can do. There will always be a bare lamp post that needs a flier, but I'm exhausted. So now, the greif is settling in. Last night a friend told me I needed to start moving on. But I only now feel like maybe I've lost her. I still have moments of hope that she'll be found, but I feel like I need to start the grieving process, just in case. What do you do? Hang on to hope, or try to move on? How can you do both?
chilling at the beach a few months ago
There are no new leads. I think someone has her, and may want to keep her or might just be afraid to be the one that has her. This media attention is great, but maybe it's keeping someone from turning her in, not wanting to be the "bad guy". Is that a silly thought? If anyone is keeping her safe, that's all I care about. Hopefully they see how much I love this sweet little soul and will do the right thing and give her back to me. Note: If you do have her, Animal Haven has agreed to be a safe place where you can drop her off, no questions asked.
Thanks to everyone who continues to hope for me – many of you are still out there hanging fliers, talking to friends, sharing through social media channels. Myrtle's heros! All of you!
One last thought: My great grandmother's name was Francis, she looks creepily just like me. I've always felt a strong connection to the name and the idea of St. Francis, the patron saint of animals. I don't consider myself religious, but this whole experience has me hoping for a St. Francis. So St. Francis, please, bless all the animals, especially the tiny little chihuahuas and the pitbulls. Thank you.
Still keeping a hopeful thought for you both!
ReplyDeleteI think it's great that there is a "no questions asked" place to drop off Myrtle -- great idea -- I hope someone realizes that they have her and that she's desperately missed and drop her off!
xo
You've made me cry (again). I think you can still hope and yet move on. I do.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was younger, our family had a Golden Retriever who I thought might BE St. Francis Assisi. :) Our Toby loved all creatures big and small. A sweet soul. May your Francis and Saint Francis be with Myrtle wherever she is. xx
<3
DeleteI have no words but to say I'm think of you Danielle.
ReplyDeleteI love you sweet friend! You are right to allow yourself time to grieve, it isn't giving up hope but opening a vent for the sadness & darkness to pass through so you have some space for goodness. Know that we are out here thinking of you, sending love, and holding you in our thoughts. Virtual squishes & pagan prayers to St. Francis are winging your way from the frozen coast<3
ReplyDeleteThank you, love!
DeleteI hope if anyone does have her they do bring her back to you.. I can't imagine losing any of my babies (4 rescued chis) I lost one briefly over the summer and I was devasted. Thank god he was found an hour later. May you be as lucky as I was and Myrtle finds her way back to you. Always hold onto hope and St. Francis!
ReplyDeletePositive thoughts your way.
Danielle,
ReplyDeleteWhen I was much younger, in Middle school actually, my cat Maggie disappeared during a blizzard. I remember that devastating feeling, I cried every night. Two weeks later my family went on a ski trip. That was the first real distraction that took my mind away from Maggie. When we arrived home Maggie was sitting on the doorstep, completely emaciated, but unharmed. That reunion was one of the most joyfully emotional experiences of my life and it occurred right after I had gotten to the point where I had basically given up. I guess what I am trying to relate is that we live in a universe of infinite possibility and there is no right or wrong way for you to process this. Do what is best for you and the rest will work itself out.
oh, danielle. i am sending lots of love to you and to myrtle, wherever she may be.
ReplyDeleteit's an enormously complex feat, balancing hope with both acceptance and grieving. the truth is, there is no answer to how to do that but to be as present with your feelings as possible–and to be as kind and gentle to yourself as possible. i also encourage you to lean on your community and ask for help in whatever ways you need. we really will be able to show up for you and help ease some of this sadness and pain.
xo
I've been following your search, and you and Myrtle are in my thoughts. there's not much I can do practically since I live far away (in Sweden) but I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you and I can't imagine the sadness you must feel.
ReplyDeleteYou'll never totally give up hope and you shouldn't feel guilty about letting go and moving on. It's important for you to let yourself move along, love other animals, and process this terrible event. Everyone (including Myrtle) knows that if she shows up 3 days or 3 years from now that you'll be there with open arms! And the best part is that you have hundreds or thousands of people who will never forget Myrtle and always have one eye out looking for her.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry, Danielle. I've been following this and I come here every day hoping for good news.
ReplyDeleteI've had two animals get lost. A dachshund that managed to hitch a ride hundreds of miles away to another state before being returned to me three and a half weeks later and a cat that I'd thought dead until he mysteriously showed up at the back door after almost 6 months and a particularly bad winter.
I feel that someone has Myrtle and is taking care of her. I hope you're reunited soon.
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ReplyDeleteDanielle you will find Myrtle! Not everything is going just as we would want to in our life.Sometimes we have to go through dark storm to see the light and I dont even doubt that you will find you baby!! Dont lose your hope <3 Sending you much much love <3
ReplyDeleteOh man. I don't know what to say except that our guts are always on point and in this case, I'll bet you're right that someone has her and that she is safe and being loved. And as soon as they realize it, hopefully they will take her to Animal Haven. It's incredible that you are still able to turn this all into something good by encouraging adoption. There's a theory that if you can really visualize something - see it, smell it, feel it - that you're going to get it. So maybe, if you can stand it, keep allowing those visualizations. We're with you, sending love.
ReplyDeleteDon't give up hope!! Absolutely meditate and visualize whoever has Myrtle or finds her bringing her safely home. It's very powerful stuff! As a momma of two of my own babies, I'm sending you lots of positive energy!
ReplyDeleteYour story breaks my heart. As a dog and cat mom, I can only imagine how frantic you've been...but all the love you've been putting out there for Myrtle, all the searching, I bet wherever she is, she can feel it. Animals are so intuitive that way. A part of you will never ever give up hope. Sending positive thoughts that your little one comes back to you very soon.
ReplyDeleteDanielle, please don't give up. Someone had to have found her. Email or send flyers to every vet in the 5 boroughs. Is her chip properly registered? Check with Animal Haven....Norman's wasn't.
ReplyDeleteDanielle,
ReplyDeleteHi there. You are such a loving doggy-mom! I can completely understand the idea of moving on, but I've heard of many stories of people being reunited with their lost pets much longer than a few weeks. I'm honestly optimistic! And, on that note, I'll be in Brooklyn in a couple weekends (of course, we hope she's found by then), and if she's still missing, I'll be taking to the street all night in the hopes of finding her. I have a couple of friends that'll be joining me -- and if you have the energy, we'd love to have you. I'll be in touch with dates soon -- hopefully, she finds you before then!
xo, jess
I would love that! <3
DeleteDanielle -
ReplyDeleteFrom one "animal mom" who is named Danielle to another, please do not give up. Admittedly, I started to tear up when I read this last blog post. I pray that Myrtle finds her way back to you and she gets to tell you all about her adventures in her own special way.
They say that if you visualize something enough you can make it happen. Take that and amplify it by all the support you have behind you, never give up hope.
Sending love and hugs your way.
-Danielle
Danielle-Animal-Moms unite!!
Deletei'm holding onto hope ♥
ReplyDeleteI don't know how you grieve for something you don't know is gone. I think about you and Myrtle every day. In fact, I live in Marin county, CA and I hike on the Myrtle trail every morning. It is beautiful and you can see San Francisco from certain spots. The Myrtle hike serves as a daily reminder of you and Myrtle. This isn't the end. You have such a generous heart, always pointing out the great dogs who are just waiting for great homes. I really think you will be reunited with her. Maybe someone has been living under a rock and doesn't know you are looking for her.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Leah. I hope so - I hope someone sweet has her in a nice warm spot!
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ReplyDeleteSending big huge hugs, Danielle...
DeleteReally big huge ones...