Sunday, September 15, 2013

Maybe this will make me feel better - less paralyzed.

A woman called and told me she thinks Myrtle is in her neighbor's yard. She saw a tiny, skinny black chihuahua run back there and they had seen it there for the past few days. She didn't know if the chihuahua was still there, but she would call me back.

Missing Myrtle has somehow uncovered all the tender parts of my heart. The ones that I successfully cover up all day, all week. Get up, go to work, laugh with my colleagues, go out for dinner, watch a movie – I can do all this because those parts are all wrapped up tight.

But when I miss her, when I remember that she is out there alone... nothing can be wrapped up. My nose runs, tiny hiccups of air from crying, body heavy. There is just me alone, with a wounded heart, bare and vulnerable.

All the times I've ever felt lost, alone, helpless – they seem to rise up and just wash over all of me. Myrtle has found me out.



Remember, being a child, watching Milo and Otis, or being read The Little Lost Puppy – totally immersed in emotion, never knowing if this sadness would end. 

What am I supposed to learn? What am I supposed to do now? When will this end?

7 comments:

  1. oh my god, i truly and totally and fully hope that woman is right. the connection between you two is still so strong that it instantly pulls out all of your deepest feelings. in a weird way, the fact that you two are still so intimately and innately connected proves she is still not only a part of your life, but feeling your energy and sending it right back. in a weird way, maybe it's to remind you there is hope. i don't know - i cannot imagine this feeling - but i hope there is a lesson, there is goodness in this pain. goodness yet to come that we can't even guess. the biggest love to you tonight, and little m, wherever she is.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Did the woman spot the dog again? Maybe they will let you set up a trap in her yard? Do you have enough traps to work with? Myrtle is a survivor and is finding a way.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Has anything ever bothered you in life? Do you
    have any problem you need to solve? A pending
    court case you want to resolve in your favor?
    Health, relationship and finance. Welcome to
    the world of miracles and wonders, there are
    supernatural treasure and power to liberate
    mankind from all afflictions. Why cant you live a
    life of your dream? Why must you work so hard
    and yet earn so little? Why cant you be happy
    with the one you love and desire or why cant the
    one you love reciprocate and appreciate that
    love? Why would the doctor tell you there is no
    solution or cure to your problems? Why would
    your lawyer say you stand no chance, that your
    case is hopeless? Have you been cheated by
    anyone or those owing you money refuse to pay
    back? Do you need a rapid job promotion in
    your place of work? You want to venture into
    politics? Now I understand certain things are
    hard to believe and comprehend, but all I ask
    from you is only 3 days and if you will follow my
    instructions and use the items you will receive, I
    promise your life will never be the same
    again.If you find no relevance in the help I offer
    I solemnly appeals do not be vindictive and go
    in peace. And if your intentions are to take
    advantage of the powerful nature of our items
    for the purpose of evil, I will not have any
    business with you please be advised. May
    angels guide you. All inquiries should be
    directed to the Priest Abija email below Email:
    spirituallighthealing101@live.com or
    you can sent a text message to this number:(518) 303-6207!

    ReplyDelete
  4. the best and most popular tool for reuniting the lost pet.
    Find My Pet iOS Version

    ReplyDelete
  5. This is a testimony i want to make.I was an HIV positive for 8 years taking anti retrovirus.As i was reading online some 5 months ago i saw a testimony on cure of HIV.I decided to give a try.Now as am telling you am very negative tested 4 times in 5 months after finishing mu cure.The cure is a pure herbs from Africa shipped to me through DHL.My cure took about 4 to 7 days.Dear brothers and sisters if you are out there,please the cure is out and rush to have yours.If you are interested,email the researcher using ekpikuspellhomeofgrace@gmail.com or ekpikuspellhomeofgrace@hotmail.com I will encourage every person who come across this mail to cure yourself if you are positive.THESE ARE THE THINGS Dr. Ekpiku. HERPES. HIV/AIDS. CANCER. ALS .

    ReplyDelete

  6. My name is MARY from USA .I am here to give a testimony on how I got my ex boyfriend back. My ex left me for no reason 3 years ago. He moved in with another woman, I felt like killing myself, my life became very bitter and sorrowful. Then 1 day, a friend of mine told me about a great spell caster that is very good to help my problem and, my friend also said that the spell caster gave him some lucky numbers that he played in a lottery and he won. I didn't believe it because I've worked with so many of them and it didn't work. He begged me further so I decided to try this great spell caster called DR SALOBA. I still didn't believe. but I used the spell he gave me and the next day I received a call from my darling boyfriend Thomas last week. He apologized and came back to me. He even gave me 10,000USD as a means of compensating me. I'm very happy now. Thank you DR SALOBA, You can reach DR SALOBA ON via email: salobaspiritualtemple@gmail.com OR you can call my DR SALOBA on +2349036493771. He can solve any problem like,
    (1) If you want your ex back.
    (2) you need a divorce in your relationship.
    (3) You want to be promoted in your office.
    (4) You want women & men to run after you.
    (5) If you want a child.
    (6) You want to be rich.
    (7) You want to tie your husband & wife to be yours forever.
    (8) If you need financial stance.
    (9) He can make you pregnancy.
    (10) He can cure you from any diseases.
    (11) HIV CURE.
    (12) Do you have a low sperm count?
    contact: salobaspiritualtemple@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hello everybody am caldin anya, from germany This is a testimony i want to make.I was an HIV positive for 8 years taking anti retrovirus.As i was reading online some 5 months ago i saw a testimony on cure of HIV.I decided to give a try.Now as am telling you am very negative tested 4 times in 5 months after finishing mu cure.The cure is a pure herbs from Africa shipped to me through DHL.My cure took about 4 to 7 days.Dear brothers and sisters if you are out there,please the cure is out and rush to have yours.If you are interested,email the researcher using ehigraceherbalhivcure@gmail. com, or visit his websites http://ehigraceherbalhivcure.webs.com I will encourage every person who come across this mail to cure yourself if you are positive.THESE ARE THE THINGS Dr. Ehi. HERPES, WITCH CRAFT PROBLEM, HIV/AIDS. CANCER. ALS .NEED YOUR EX BACK, PERFECT CHARM, NEED A BABY,

    ReplyDelete